THOMAS
GOODWIN'S MEMOIR
Concluded
This is the account which my dear father drew up concerning
the work of the Holy Ghost on his soul, in converting him to God. He left it
with a design, as himself said, to give from his own experience a testimony of
the difference between common grace, which by some is thought sufficient, and
that special saving grace, which indeed is alone sufficient, and always
invincibly and effectually prevails, as it did in him, and endured through a
long life, and course of various temptations and trials, unto the end. In the
first enlightenings and workings of conscience, he experienced how far common
grace might go, and yet fail at last, as it did in him, to an utter withering
and decay. In the other work on his soul, he felt an extraordinary divine power
changing it, and enthely subduing it to God; a work that was lasting and
victorious to eternity. I have often heard him say, that in reading the acts of
the Synod of Dort, and taking a review of the first workings of common grace in
him, he found them consonant with the Arminian opinions; but comparing his own
experiences of efficacious grace with the doctrines of the orthodox Protestant
divines, he found the one perfectly to agree with the other. It was this inward
sense of things, out of which a man will not suffer himself to be disputed,
that established him in the truths of the gospel, and possessed him with a due
tempered warmth and zeal to assert and vindicate them with such arguments and
reasons as the truth is never destitute of to resist gainsayers.
It was
many years before he came to have a clear knowledge of the gospel, and a full
view of Christ by faith, and to have joy and peace in believing. A
blessed age this is, said he in his latter years, now the time of
faith is come, and faith is principally insisted on unto salvation. In my
younger years, we heard little more of Christ than as merely named in the
ministry and printed books. I was diverted from Christ for several years, to
search only into the signs of grace in me. It was almost seven years ere I was
taken off to live by faith on Christ, and Gods free love, which are alike
the object of faith. His thoughts for so long a time were chiefly intent
on the conviction which God had wrought in him, of the heinousness of sin, and
of his own sinful and miserable state by nature; of the difference between the
workings of natural conscience, though enlightened, and the motions of a holy
soul, changed and acted by the Spirit, in an effectual work of peculiar saving
grace. And accordingly he kept a constant diary, of which I have above a
hundred sheets, wrote with his own hand, of observations of the case and
posture of his mind and heart toward God, and suitable, pious, and pathetical
meditations. His sermons being the result of these, had a great deal of
spiritual heat in them, and were blessed by God to the conviction and
conversion of many young scholars, who flocked to his ministry : as my reverend
brother, Mr Samuel Smith, minister of the gospel at Windsor, told me, that his
reverend father, then a young scholar in Cambridge, acknowledged mine to have
been blessed by God as an instrument of his conversion, among many others.
As it was that holy minister of Jesus Christ, Mr Price of Lynn, with whom my
father maintained a great intimacy of Christian friendship, and of whom he said
that he was the greatest man for experimental acquaintance with Christ that
ever he met with; and as he poured into his bosom his spiritual complaints, so
it was he whose conference by letters and discourse was blessed by God to lead
him into the spirit of the gospel, to live by faith in Christ, and to derive
from him life and strength for sanctification, and all comfort and joy through
believing.
As for trials of your own heart, wrote Mr Price to
him in one of his letters, they are good for you; remember only this,
that Christ in whom you believe hath overcome for you, and he will overcome in
you: the reason is in 1 John iv. 4. And I say trials are good for you, because
else you would not know your own heart, nor that need of continual seeking unto
God. But without those trials your spirit would soon grow secure, which of all
estates belonging to those that fear God is most dangerous and most
uncomfortable. Therefore count it exceeding cause of joy, not of sorrow, when
you are exercised with any temptations, because they are tokens of your being
in Christ; which being in him Satan would disquiet, and carnal reason would
call in question. Yet stand fast in the liberty of Christ, maintain the work of
Gods free love, which his good Spirit hath wrought in you. Say unto the
Lord: Lord, thou knowest I hate my former sinful course; it grieveth me I have
been so long such a stranger unto thee, my Father. Thou knowest now I desire to
believe in Jesus Christ, I desire to repent of my sins, and it is the desire of
my heart to do thy will in all things. Finding these things in your heart, cast
yourself upon the righteousness of Christ, and fear nothing; for God will be a
most merciful God in Christ unto you. Strive but a little while, and thou shalt
be crowned; even so, come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.
In another
of his letters he thus wrote to him
All your complaints are good, and
will bring abundance of thankfulness in the end; for, mark it, in the
Scripture, where the saints of God have complained for want of Christ, or any
good thing from God in Christ, they have had ere long their hearts and tongues
filled with thanksgivings and praise, Rom. vii. 24, 25. It is the surest state
for our deceitful hearts to be kept in awe, and not to be as we would be, in
perfection of grace. God knows the time when it will be best to fill us with
his love, and to ravish us with his favour in Christ. In the meantime let us go
on in faith, looking every moment for that day of gladness wherein Christ shall
manifest a fuller sight of his blessed presence. I pray you fight it out
valiantly by faith in Christ against base unbelief and proud humnility. I do
assure you, and dare say it, you may by faith in Christ challenge great matters
at Gods hands, and he will take it well at your hands : yea, the more you
can believe for yourself in Christ, the better it will be taken at the throne
of grace. Now the Lord give you of his Spirit to help you in all things. The
Lord keep your Spirit in Christ, full of faith and love to
immortality.
In another letter he thus wrote :- Your last
complaint made in your letter of yourself is from spiritual insight of your
unregenerate part. It is wholesome, for it being loathed and abbhorred, makes
Christ in his righteousness and sanctification more glorious in your eyes
daily. If this were not, pride and security would start up and undo you.
Besides, I find you have great assistance from God in Christ. He ministers much
light to you both of knowledge and comfort; and therefore you had need of some
startling evils, to make you depend upon Gods grace for the time to come,
lest you should rest in that which is past. Let the Lord do what he will with
our spirits, so he drive us from the liking ourselves in any sin, and make us
long after Christ, to be found in him, and in los righteousness.
In
another he wrote thus:- Your letter is welcome to me, and your state also
matter of rejoicing unto me, however it may seem unto you for the present. Know
you not that the Lord is come to dwell in your heart, and now is purging you
and refining you; that you may be a purer, and also a fitter temple for his
Spirit to dwell in? All these things concerning the right framing of your
spirit will not be done at once, but by little and little, as it shall please
our gracious God in Christ to work for his own glory. Yet this you may have
remaining ever unto you, as an evidence of Gods everlasting love, that
the marks of true chosen ones are imprinted upon you, and truly wrought within
yon: for your eyes are opened to see yourself utterly lost; your heart is
touched with a sense and feeling of your need of Christ. which is poverty of
spirit; you hunger and thirst after Christ and his righteousness above all
things; and it is the practice of your inward man to groan and sigh, to ask and
seek for reconciliation with God in Christ. These things you have to comfort
you against sin and Satan, and all the doubts of your own heart. Therefore when
you fear that all is but hypocrisy, to fear is good and wholesome, but to think
so is from the flesh, carnal reason, Satan, darkness, because it is against
that truth which hath taken place in your heart, merely of Gods free
favour towards you in Jesus Christ. As for slips and falls, so long as your
purpose is in all things to do the will of God, and to judge yourself for them,
so soon as you find yourself faulty, fear nothing; for these will stick by you
to humble you, and to make you loathe yourself the more, and to long after the
holiness of your blessed Saviour which is imputed unto you for your holiness in
the sight of God.
It was thus this gracious minister of Christ, Mr
Price, poured the balm of the gospel into his wounded soul, and God blessed it
to heal and comfort it. These truly evangelical instructions turned his
thoughts to Christ, to find that relief in him which he had in vain sought from
all other considerations. I am come to this pass now, wrote my
father in a letter to him, that signs will do me no good alone; I have
trusted too much to habitual grace for assurance of justification; I tell you
Christ is worth all. Thus coming unto Christ, his weary soul found rest,
when in all its unquiet motions it could not find it anywhere else.
But the
account of this work of faith I shall give, as I have done the other, in his
own words :- It fell out, that soon after my being humbled for sin, the
doctrine of justification through Christ by faith came into my thoughts. But my
spirit was turned off from it by this prejudice, that it had been the common
deceit ordinarily of carnal men, when they continued in their sins, and so I
might be deceived in that way and course; and I remembered that I had been also
deceived in believing on Christ crncifled with joy and ravishment in my carnal
state; and that remembrance was from time to time a hindrance to me from going
to Christ; and I was pitched on this great principle, that if I found I were
sanctified, as I plainly did, I then was certainly justified.
But I did not
think my sanctification to be my justification, but an evidence of it only; and
thus my spirit was set upon examining the inherent work in me wrought by the
Spirit; and I pursued after mortification of lusts, and of holiness within, and
then I thought I should have the comfort of justification, or of being
justified. And thus I was kept from going to Christ actually; though I dealt
with God and his mercy in Christ, as having done all that was on his part to be
done, in redeeming and reconciling us, and so I dealt immediately with God, and
his pure mercy and free grace. But as it fell strongly into my thought; that
there was a necessity of Christs righteousness to justify me, as well as
of his grace which had sanctified me; and the course God took to convince me of
it, and to set me a-work about it, was this. He used the very conviction which
I had of original sin from Adam, in the two branches of it; the guilt of
Adams actual transgression imputed to me, and the corruption of my nature
thence derived. I had had a mighty and large conviction, and deep sense of
these, and that all lusts were sins; and this mightily helped me clearly to
take in the absolute necessity of justification by Christs righteousness,
and to discern the perfect difference of it from sanctification, and the
necessity of it, and I gloried in it. I began to reflect that Jesus Christ was
the head for salvation, as Adam had been for sin and condemnation and that
therefore as there were two branches of sin and condemnation derived to me from
Adam, - the one an imputation of his fact to me, the other a violent and
universal corruption of nature inherent in me, -
just so it must be in Christs salvation of me; and hence I must
have an imputation of his righteousness for justification, as well as a holy
nature derived from him for sanctification ; which righteousness of Christ for
justification was perfect, though my sanctification was imperfect. The notion
of this did mightily and experimentally enlighten me.
He now altered
his way of preaching, which before had been for the most part, if not wholly,
for conviction and terror. But now his experience of the refreshing comforts
which the knowledge of Christ, and free justification by his righteousness
alone, afforded him, made him zealous to preach the gospel for the consolation
of consciences afflicted as his had been. And this was according to the
directions given him by that great man, and lively preacher of the gospel, the
reverend Dr Sibbs, who by my fathers interest among the Fellows had been
chosen Master of Catherine Hall, and who familiarly said to him one day,
Young man, if you ever would do good, you must preach the gospel and the
free grace of God in Christ Jesus. As he called his sermons of the Glory
of the Gospel, printed in this fifth volume of his works, his Primiticoe
Evanqelicoe, or his evangelical first-fruits, so the only copy of them was
preserved by a remarkable providence. The portmanteau in which they were was by
a thief cut off from my fathers horse in the dark of the evening, just
against St Andrews Churchyard in Holborn. The clerk or sexton coming on
the Lords-day morning to ring the bell, found a bundle of papers tied up
with a string, lying at the foot of a great tree. In it there were some
acquittances, which Mr Leonard Green, a bookseller of Cambridge, who had
accompanied my father to London, had from some of his customers. It was by
these only the clerk could know to whom the bundle did belong, and so he
brought it to Mr Green, which he was the more careful to do because he was his
particular friend.
He was chosen in 1628 to preach the lecture to the town
of Cambridge at Trinity Church. Dr Buckridge, Bishop of Ely, at first made some
difficulty of admitting him to it, unless he would solemnly promise, in
pursuance of the Kings proclamation, not to preach about any controverted
points in divinity. My father alleged that the most essential articles of the
Christian faith being controverted by one or other, such a promise would scarce
leave him any subject to preach on: that it was not his Majestys
intention to inhibit him or any other from preaching against the gross errors
of Popery. After some opposition, he was admitted lecturer, and so continued
till 1634, when being in his conscience dissatisfied with the terms of
conformity, he left the University and his preferments. As he acted herein with
all sincerity, following the light which God had given him, and the persuasions
of his own mind and conscience, in which no worldly motives had any part, - for
if he had hearkened to them, they would have swayed him to a contrary course,
of action. I have heard him express himself with great joy of faitlr, and
thankfulness and praise of the faithful love of Jesus Christ to him, in
performance of that promise, Luke xviii. 29, 30, And he said unto them,
Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or
brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of Gods sake, who shall
not receive manifold more in this present time, and in the world to come life
everlasting.
I freely renounced, said he, for
Christ, when God converted me, all those designs of pride, and vain-glory, and
advancement of myself upon which niy heart was so strongly set that no
persuasions of men, nor any worldly considerations, could have diverted roe
from the pursuit of them. No, it is the power of God alone that prevailed to
make me do it. It was He alone made me willing to live in the meanest and most
afflicted condition, so that I might serve him in all godly sincerity. I
cheerfully parted with all for Christ, and He hath made abundant compensation,
not only in the comforts and joys of His love, which are the-end comparison
above all other things, but even in this world. What love and esteem I have had
among good men, He and He alone made my ministry in the gospel acceptable, and
blessed it with success, to the conversion and spiritual good and comfort of
many souls.
AD. 1638, he married Mrs Elizabeth Prescott, the daughter
of Alderman Prescott of the other two, who was married to Sir William Leman of
Northaw-, the other to Sir Nicholas Crisp of Hamnmersmith. He was very happy in
a woman of such a sweet temper, lively wit, and sincere piety, as endeared her
to all that knew her. And he was happy in an only daughter he had by her,
Elizabeth, who was married to Mr John Mason, a citizen of London. In natural
endowments of mind, and, which is far more to be valued, in grace and piety,
she was a lively image of her parents. She lost her mother whcn she was about
ten years of age, and died two years before her fathers
death.############## THOMAS GOODWIN, the eldest son of Richard and Catherine
Goodwin, the name of whose family was Collingwood, was born October 5, 1600, at
Rollesby, a little village in Norfolk. He was brought up religiously by his
parents, and they, devoting him to the ministry of the gospel, gave him also a
learned education. After some time spent in school, having got the knowledge of
the Latin and Greek tongues, he was sent to Cambridge, August 25, 1613, and
placed in Christ's College, under the tuition and instruction of Mr William
Power, one of the Fellows there. He continued about six years in that college,
which flourished in a fulness of all exercises of learning, and in the number
of scholar; there being two hundred of them but, AD. 1019, he left it, and
removed to Catherine Hall, the state of which seemed so contemptible to him,
there being no more than sixteen scholars, and few acts or exercises of
learning had been performed for a long time, that though he was chosen Follow,
and also lecturer for the year 1620, yet he had some thoughts of leaving it
again. He had, by an unwearied industry in his studies, so much improved those
natural abilities which God had given him, that though so very young, he had
gained a great esteem in the University.
But all this time he walked in the
vanity of his mind; and ambitious designs and hopes entirely possessing him,
all his aim was to get applause, to raise his reputation, and in any manner to
advance himself by preferments. But God, who had destined him to higher ends
than what he had projected in his own thoughts, was graciously pleased to
change his heart, and to turn the course of his life to His own service and
glory. But as the account of the work of the Holy Spirit on his soul will be
most acceptable as related by himself, I shall present it in his own words
-
"Though by the course of nature in my first birth I was not like to live,
being born before my time, and therefore of a weak constitution, yet God so
kept and strengthened me, that he preserved me, as David says, when I hung upon
my mothers breasts; as one in whom he meant to manifest his grace, in the
miraculous conversion of my soul unto himself. He did often stir up in me in my
childish years the sparks of conscience, to keep me from gross sins, and to set
me upon performing conon duties. I began to have some lighter workings of the
Spirit of God from the time I was six years old; I could weep for my sins
whenever I did set myself to think of them, and had flashes of joy upon
thoughts of the things of God. I was affected with good motions and affections
of love to God and Christ, for their love revealed to man, and with grief for
sin as displeasing them. This shewed hew far goodness of nature might go, as
well in myself as others, to whom yet true sanctifying grace never comes. But
this I thought was grace; for I reasoned within myself it was not by
nature.
I received the sacrament at Easter, when I was fourteen years old,
and for that prepared myself as I was able. I set myself to examine whether I
had grace or not; and by all the signs in Ursins Catechism, which was in
use among the Puritans in the College, I found them all, as I thought, in me.
The love of God to such a sinner, and Christs dying for me, did greatly
affect me; and at that first sacrament I received, with what inward joy and
comfort did I sing with the rest the 103d Psalm, which was usually sung during
the administration! After having received it, I felt my heart cheered after a
wonderful manner, thinking myself sure of heaven, and judging all these
workings to be infallible tokens of Gods love to me, and of grace in me
all this while not considering that these were but more strong fits of
natures working.
God hereby made way to advance the power of his
grace the more in me, by shewing me how far I might go and yet deceive myself,
and making me know that grace is a thing surpassing the power of nature; and
therefore he suffered me to fall away, not from these good motions, for I could
raise them when I would, but from the practice of them; insomuch as then my
heart began to suspect them as counterfeit."
"I made a great preparation
for the next ensuing sacrament at Whitsuntide, and in the meantime I went to
hear Mr Sibbs, afterward Dr Sibbs, then lecturer at Trinity Church to the town
of Cambridge, whose lectures the Puritans frequented. I also read Calvins
Institutions, and oh, how sweet was the reading of some parts of that book to
me! How pleasing was the delivery of truths in a solid manner then to me!
Before the sacrament was administered, I looked about upon the holy men in
Christs College, where I was bred; and how affected was I that I should
go to heaven along with them! I particularly remember Mr Bently, a Fellow of
that College, who was a dear child of God, and so died, and I then looked on
him with joy, as one with whom I should live for ever in heaven."
"When I
was in my place in the chapel, ready to receive the sacrament, being little of
stature, the least in the whole University then, and for divers years, it fell
out that my tutor, Mr Power, seeing me, sent to me that I should not receive
it, but go out before all the College, which I did. This so much damped me, as
I greatly pitied myself, but chiefly for this that my soul, which was full of
expectation from this sacrament, was so unexpectedly disappointed of the
opportunity. For I had long before verily thought that if I received that
sacrament, I should be so confirmed that I should never fall away. But after
thus disappointment I left off praying, for being discouraged, I knew not how
to go to God. I desisted from going to hear Dr Sibbs any more; I no more
studied sound divinity, but gave myself to such studies as should enable me to
preach after the mode, then of high applause in the University, which Dr
Senhouse brought up, and was applauded above all by the scholars."
"It new
fell out that Arminianism was set afoot in Holland, and the rest of those
Provinces, and it continued hottest at that very time when I was thus wrought
upon. I perceived by their doctrine, which I understood, being inquisitive,
that they acknowledged a work of the Spirit of God to begin with men, by moving
and stirring the soul; but free-will then from its freedom carried it, though
assisted by those aids and helps. And this work of the Spirit they called
grace, sufficient in the first beginnings of it, exciting, moving, and helping
the will of man to turn to God, and giving him power to turn, when being thus
helped he would set himself to do it: but withal they affirmed, that though men
are thus converted, yet by the freedom of the same will they may, and do, often
in time fall away totally; and then upon another fit through the liberty of the
will, again assisted with the like former help; they return again to
repentance. Furthermore, I am yet to tell you how I was withal acquainted
during this season with several holy youths in Christs College, who had
made known unto me the workings of God upon them, in humiliation, faith, and
change of heart. And I observed that they continued their profession steadfast,
and fell not off again."
"Though the Arminian doctrines suited my own
experience, in these natural workings of conscience off and on in religion, yet
the example of those godly youths in their constant perseverance therein made
so strong an impression upon me, that in my very heart and judgment I thought
the doctrine of Arminianism was not true; and I was fixed under a conviction
that my state was neither might nor sound; but yet I could not imagine wherein
it failed and was defective. But notwithstanding my falling thus away, yet I
still upon every sacrament set myself anew to examine myself to repent, and to
turn to God; but when the sacrament was ever, I returned to a neglect of
praying, and to my former ways of unregenerate principles and practices, and to
live in hardness of heart and profaneness. When I was thus given over to the
strength of my lusts, and further off from all goodness than ever I had been,
and utterly out of hope that God would ever be so good unto me as to convert
me; and being resolved to follow the world, and the glory, applause,
preferment, and honour of it, and to use all means possible for these
attainments; when I was one day going to be merry with my companions at
Christs College, from which I had removed to Catherine Hall, by the way
hearing a bell tell at St Edmunds for a funeral, one of my company said
there was a sermon, and pressed me to hear it. I was loath to go in, for I
loved not preaching, especially not that kind of it which good men used, and
which I thought to be dull stuff. But yet, seeing many scholars going in, I
thought it was some eminent man, or if it were not so, that I would come out
again."
"I went in before the hearse came, and took a seat; and fain would I
have been gone, but shame made me stay. I was never so loath to hear a sermon
in my life. Inquiring who preached, they told me it was Dr Bambridge, which
made me the more willing to stay, because he was a witty man. He preached a
sermon which I had heard once before, on that text in Luke xix. 41, 42. I
remember the first words of the sermon pleased me so well as to make me very
attentive all the while. He spake of deferring repentance, and of the danger of
doing so. Then he said that every man had his day, it was "this thy day," not
to-morrow, but to-day. He shewed also that every man had a time in which grace
was offered him; and if he neglected it, it was just with God that it should be
hidden from his eyes. And that as, in things temporal, it was an old saying
that every man had an opportunity, which if he took hold of he was made for
ever; so in spirituals, every man hath a time, in which, if he would know the
things which belong unto his peace, he was made for ever, but otherwise they
would be hid from his eyes. This a little moved me, as I had wont to be at
other sermons. Then he came to shew that the neglect of this had final
impenitency, blindness of mind, and hardness of heart; concluding with this
saying, "Every day thou prayest, pray to God to keep thee from blindness of
mind, and hardness of heart."
"The matter of the sermon was vehemently
urged on the hearer, (whoever he was that deferred his repentance,) not to let
slip the opportunity of that day, but inediately to turn to God and defer no
longer; being edged with that direful threatening, lest if he did not turn to
God in that day, the day of grace and salvation, it might be eternally hid from
his eyes. I was so far affected, as I uttered this speech to a companion of
mine that came to church with me, and indeed that brought me to that sermon,
that I hoped to be the better for thus sermon as long as I lived. I and that
companion of mine had come out of our own chambers at Catherine Hall, with a
fixed design to have gone to some of my like acquaintance at Christs
College, where I had been bred, on purpose to be merry and spend that
afternoon; but as I went along, was accidentally persuaded to hear some of the
sermon. This was on Monday the 2d of October 1620, in the afternoon. As soon as
we came out of the church, I left my fellows to go on to Christs College;
but my thoughts being retired then, I went to Catherine Hall, and left all my
acquaintance, though they sent after me to come. "
"I thought myself to be
as one struck down by a mighty power. The grosser sins of my conversation came
in upon me, which I wondered at, as being unseasonable at first; and so the
working began, but was prosecuted still more and more, higher and higher: and I
endeavouring not to think the least thought of my sins, was passively held
under the remembrance of them, and affected, so as I was ratber passive all the
while in it than active; and my thoughts held under, whilst that work went
on."
"I remember some two years after, I preaching at Ely in the minster, as
they call it, in a turn of preaching for Dr Hills, prebend of that church,
Master of our college; I told the auditory, meaning myself in the person of
another, that a man to be converted, who is ordinarily ignorant of what the
work of conversion should be, and what particular passages it consists of, was
yet guided through all the dark corners and windings of it, as would be a
wonder to think of, and would be as if a man were to go to the top of that
lantern, to bring him into all the passages of the minster, within doors and
without, and knew not a jot of the way, and were in every step in danger to
tread awry and fall down. So it was with me; I knew no more of that work of
conversion than these two general heads, that a man was troubled in conscience
for his sins, and afterwards was comforted by the favour of God manifested to
him. And it became one evidence of the truth of the work of grace upon me, when
I reviewed it, that I had been so strangely guided in the dark. In all this
intercourse, and those that fellow to the very end, I was acted all along by
the Spirit of God being upon me, and my thoughts passively held fixed, until
each head and sort of thoughts were finished, and then a new thought began and
continued; that I have looked at them as so many conferences God had with me by
way of reproof and conviction. My thoughts were kept fixed and intent on the
consideration of the next inediate causes of those foregone gross acts of
sinning. An abundant discovery was made unto me of my inward lusts and
concupiscence, and how all sorts of concupiscences had wrought in me; at which
I was amazed, to see with what greediness I had sought the satisfaction of
every lust."
"Indeed, natural conscience will readily discover grosser acts
against knowledge; as in the dark a man more readily sees chairs and tables in
a room, than flies and motes: but the light which Christ now vouchsafed me, and
this new sort of illumination, gave discovery of my heart in all my sin-
flings, carried me down to see the inwards of my belly, as Solomon speaks, and
searched the lower rooms of my heart, as it were with candles, as the
prophets phrase is. I saw the violent eagerness, unsatiableness of my
lusts; and moreover concerning the dispensation of God in this new light, I
found the apparent difference, by experience of what I had received in former
times. I had before had enlightenings and great stirrings of the Holy Ghost,
both unto and in the performanc of holy duties, prayer, and hearing, and the
like; and yet I had not the sinful inordinacy of my lusts discovered, which had
been the root and ground of all my other sinnings. and these forementioned
devotions were different also in this respect from the present sight of my
inward corruptions, that in all the former, though I felt myself much stirred,
yet I had this secret thought run along, that God could not but accept those
real services which I thought I did perform; and so I fell into the opinion of
merit, which thought I could not get rid - of though the conon received
doctrine taught me otherwise. But now when I saw my lusts and heart in that
clear manner as I did, God quitted use of that opinion, which vanished without
any dispute, and I detested myself for my former thoughts of it. And the
sinfulness of these lusts I saw chiefly to lie in ungodliness as the spring of
them; forasmuch as I had been a lover of pleasure more than a lover of God:
according to that in Jeremiah, "My people have conitted two evils: they have
forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and have made unto themselves
cisterns that will hold no water." And these lusts I discerned to have been
acted by me in things- that were most lawful, answerably unto that saying in
Scripture, "The very ploughing of the wicked is sin:" and by the clear light
thereof, the sinfulness of my sin was exceedingly enlarged; for that light
accompanied me through all and every action that I could cast my remembrance
upon, or that my view went over."
"And by and through the means of the
discovery of those lusts, a new horrid vein and course of sin was revealed also
to me, that I saw lay at the bottom of my heart, in the rising and working of
all my lusts; namely, that they kept my heart in a continual course of
ungodliness, - that is, that my heart was wholly obstructed from acting towards
God any way, or from having any holy or good movings at all."
"God having
proceeded thus far, I perceived I was "humbled under his mighty hand," as James
speaks, with whom only and inediately I had to do, and not with my own bare
single thoughts. But God continued orderly to possess my thoughts with a
further progress as to this subject; I being made sensible of Gods hand
in it, and myself was merely passive: but still God continued his hand over me,
and held me, intent to consider and pierce into what should be the first causes
of so much actual sinfnlness; and he presented to me, as in answer thereunto, -
for it was transacted as a conference by God with me, the original corruption
of my nature, and inward evil constitution and depravation of all my faculties;
the inclinations and disposed nesses of heart unto all evil, and averseness
from all spiritual good and acceptableness unto God. I was convinced that in
this respect I was flesh, which was to my apprehension as if that had been the
definition of a man, "that which is born of the flesh is flesh." And here
let me stand a while astonished, as I did then: I can compare this sight, and
the workings of my heart rising from thence, to be as if I had in the heat of
suner looked down into the filth of a dungeon, where by a clear light and
piercing eye I discerned millions of crawling living things in the midst of
that sink and liquid corruption. Holy Mr Prices comparison was, that when
he heard Mr Chattertom preach the gospel, his apprehension was as if the sun,
namely Jesus Christ, shined upon a dunghill; but my sight of my heart was, to
my sense, that it was utterly without Christ. How much and deeply did I
consider that all the sins that ever were conitted by the wickedest men that
have been in the world had proceeded from the corruption of their nature; or
that the sins which any or all men did conit at any time were from the same
root; and I by my nature, if God had left me and withdrawn from me, should have
conitted the same, as any temptation should have induced me unto the like. But
what much affected me was a sight and sense that my heart was empty of all
good; that in me, that is, in my flesh, there dwelt no good, not a mite of
truly spiritual good, as the Scripture describes true inherent grace to be some
good in us toward the Lord our God, which none of nmy goodness nor ingenuity
was, which I boasted of. What is all such goodness to God who is only good, and
is the only true measure of all that is called good? which is so only so far as
it respects him, as he is holy and good, as of the law it is said, Rom. vii.
Thus at present I was abundantly convinced."
"But next I was brought to
inquire into and consider of what should have been the original cause at the
bottom of all this forementioned sinfulness, both in my heart and life. And
after I had well debated with myself that one place, Rom. v. 12, "By one man
sin entered into the world, and death by him, and passed upon all men, in
whom," or in that, "all have sinned :" that it was in him they all sinned, for
they had not in and of themselves sinned actually, as those that die infants,
"after the similitude of Adams transgression;" which limitation is
cautiously there added by the Apostle, to shew that they had not actually
sinned of themselves, but are simply involved in his act of sinning; and that
sin wherein we were all involved, as guilty of it, is expressly said to be the
disobedience of that one man; for by one mans disobedience, many of his
children of the sons of men were all made sinners, for disobedience notes an
act of sinning, not a sinful nature or a habit. This caused me necessarily to
conceive thus of it, that it was the guilt or demerit of that one mans
disobedience that corrupted my nature. Under such llke apprehensions as these
did my spirit lie convicted so strongly of this great truth, that being gone to
bed some hours before, and filled with these meditations, I in the end of all
rose out of bed, being alone, and solemnly fell down on my knees before God,
the Father of all the family in heaven, and did on my own accord assume and
take on me the guilt of that sin, as truly as any of my own actual sins. But
now when I was thus concluding in my own heart concerning my sinfulness, that
all that I had acted was wholly corrupt, and that in me there was nothing but
flesh, as born of flesh, so that all the actions that came from me were wholly
corrupt, and in me, that is in my flesh, there dwelt no good thing, Rom. vii.,
my pronouncing this conclusion with myself was presently interrupted by the
remembrance, which not till now did come in full upon me, in this nick of time
and not before."
"The interruption was made by these intervening thoughis,
that I had forgot myself and should wrong myself to end in this conclusion; for
I had had abundance of experience, as I thought, of the workings of true grace,
enlightenings and ravishments of spirit and of faith in Christ, at sacrament
and at other times. I recalled the course of my spirit until I was towards
thirteen years old, for I was not thirteen when I came to the University; and I
recalled to my remembrance, that during that space when I was seven years old,
my grandfather, whom I lived with, had a servant, who observing some sin in me,
reproved me sharply, and laid open hell-torments as due to me, whither, he
said, I must go for such sins, and was very vehement with me; and I was
accordingly affected with thoughts of God and matters of religion from
thenceforth. I was indeed but in my infancy, in respect of my knowledge of
religion, having childish thoughts, which I began to build my hopes on. For my
conscience was opened with the sight of my sins when I committed any, and from
that time I began to weep and mourn for my sins, and for a while to forbear to
commit them, but found I was weak, and was overcome again; but I could weep for
my sins when I could weep for nothing: and I doing this privately between God
and myself, concluded it was not hypocrisy. I thought of Hezekiahs
example, who turned to the wall and wept, and how it moved God; for I was
brought up to read the Scriptures from a child, and I met with that promise of
our Saviours, "Whatever you shall ask the Father in my name, I will do it
for you :" and that made me confident, for to be sure I would use his name for
whatever I would have of God. Yet still I fell into sins, renewing, my
repentance for them. As Paul says, when I was a child, my thoughts were as a
child, and I judged that whatever is more than nature must be grace; and when I
had my affections any way exercised upon the things of the other world, thought
I, This is the work of God, for the time was I had no such actings."
"And
thus my younger time was at times spent; but God was to me as a wayfaring man,
who came and dwelt for a night, and made me religious for a bit, but then
departed from me. The Holy Ghost moved upon the waters when the world was
creating, and held and sustained the chaos that was created, and so he does in
carnal mens hearts; witness their good motions at times. In a great
frost, you shall see, where the sun shines hot, the ice drops, and the snow
melts, and the earth grows shabby; but it is a particular thaw only where the
sun shines, not a general thaw of all things that are frozen. But so it was,
that for these lighter impressions and slighter workings, my heart did grow so
presumptuous, that I thought myself not only to have grace, but more grace than
my relations, or any inhabitant of the town that I knew of, and this for the
time I was a schoolboy before I came to the University."
"When I was past
twelve years old, towards thirteen, I was admitted into Christs College
in Cambridge, as a junior sophister, a year before the usual time of standing;
and there being the opportunity of a sacrament of the Lords Supper,
appointed to be administered publicly in the College, and all of that form that
I was now in being taken into receiving, I was ashamed to go out of the chapel
alone and not receive, and so I adventured to obtrude myself upon that
ordinance with the rest. I had set myself to the greatest preparation I could
possibly make, in repenting of my sins and examining myself, and by meditations
on the sufferings of Christ, which I presumed to apply to myself, with much
thankfulness to God. And that which now, since I came to that College, had
quickened and heightened my devotion, was, that there remained still in the
College six Fellows that were great tutors, who professed religion after the
strictest sort, then called Puritans. Besides, the town was then filled with
the discourse of the power of Mr Perkins ministry, still fresh in most
mens memories; and Dr Ames, that worthy professor of divinity at
Franeker, who wrote Puritanismus Anglicanus, had been Fellow of that
College, and not long before my time had, by the urgency of the master, been
driven both from the College and University. The worth and holiness of that man
are sufficiently known by what he did afterwards in the Low Countries. These
Puritan Fellows of that College had several pupils that were godly, and I fell
into the observation of them and their ways. I had also the advantage of
Ursins Catechism, which book was the renowned summaries of the orthodox
religion, and the Puritan Fellows of the College explained it to their pupils
on Saturday night, with chamber prayers. This book I was upon this occasion
acquainted with; and against the time of the forementioned sacrament, I
examined myself by it, and I found, as I thought, all things in that book and
my own heart to agree for my preparation."
"As I grew up, the noise of the
Arminian controversy in Holland, at the Synod of Dort, and the several opinions
of that controversy, began to be every mans talk and inquiry, and
possessed my ears. That which I observed, as touching the matter of my own
religion, was, that those godly Fellows, and the younger sort of their pupils
that were godly, held constantly to their strict religious practices and
principles, without falling away and declining, as I knew of. I judged them to
be in the right for matter of religion, and the Arminians in the wrong, who
held falling away; yea, and I did so far reverence the opinions of the
orthodox, who are against the power of free-will, and for the power of electing
grace, that I did so far judge myself as to suspect I had not grace because of
my so often falling away; whereof I knew not any probablier reason that it was
not true grace which I had built upon, than this, that still after sacraments I
fell away into neglects of duties and into a sinful course, which those godly
youths I had in my eye did not."
"But that which chiefly did serve most to
convince me, was the powerful and steady example of one of those godly Fellows
in the College, Mr Bently, who was a man of an innocent, meek, humble spirit
and demeanour, and an eminent professor of religion in the greatest strictness,
whose profession was further quickened and enhanced by this, that he lived in a
continual fear of death, having had two fits of an apoplety that laid him for
dead, and daily expecting a third. This blessed man I observed and reverenced
above all other men but Mr Price, who then was of the University, an eminent
example of conversion in the eyes of all, and was afterwards minister of the
gospel in Lynn Regis. I remember that when I came to the prayers, I used to
have usually great stirrings of affections and of my bodily spirits to a kind
of ravishment, and so I continued in private devotion for a week after; yet
still all those impressions proved to be but morning dew, and came to nothing,
and I utterly forbore to pray privately, or exercise any other good duty, and
so all my religion was soon lost and came to nothing. But again, when the time
of the next sacrament came, I renewed the former exercises, and then I grew
into a love of the good scholars of the College, both of Fellows and others,
and began to continue more constant in duties for a longer time
together."
"And I left going to St Marys, the university church, where
were all the florid sermons and strains of wit in which that age abounded, the
great wits of those times striving who of them should exceed each other. But
from these the work I had the next sacrament upon me did so far withdraw me, as
for eight weeks together I went with the Puritans of that College to hear Dr
Sibbs, whose preaching was plain and wholesome; and to improve my time the
better before sermon began, I carried with me Calvins Institutions to
church, and found a great deal of sweetness and savouriness in that divinity.
In those weeks I kept constantly to private prayer, and calling to mind the
sweetness of this course, of those eight weeks in these exercises, and
acquainting myself more with the youths of that College who held steadfast in
their profession. Oh, how did I long for the receiving of the next sacrament,
in which I hoped the body and blood of Christ received with due preparation,
which I endeavoured to make to the utmost of my ability, would comifirmn me in
the way I had begun and continued in so long, and would strengthen me for ever
from falling into the same way of liking florid and scholastic sermons."
"I
went to chapel for the sacrament, as I was wont to do, and expected no other
but to receive it; but in the nick, when every conunicant was rising to go to
kneel at the step, as the manner was, my tutor, Mr Power, (who was the only
tutor that ever I had,) sent a messenger to me to command me out of the chapel,
and to forbear to receive; which message I received with extreme doleur of
heart and trouble; but he being my tutor, I obeyed him. But upon this
disappointment I was so discouraged, that I left off private prayer for the
first week after, and at last altogether, and from thence after went constantly
to St Marys, where the flaunting sermons were; and though I never fell
into the common sins of drunkenness or whoredom, whereunto I had temptations
and opportunities enough, yet I returned unto the lusts and pleasures of
sinning, but especially the ambition of glory and praise, prcsecuting those
lusts with the whole of my soul. And though I did not walk in profane ways
against religion, yet with a lower kind of enmity against good men and good
things, resolving to have preached against those at Lynn and their ways, and to
have taken part with the whole town against them; which my wicked spirit was
too eager and fitted to do by the studies I had pursued; it came to this at
last, that if God would give me the pleasure I desired, and the credit and
preferment I pursued after, and not damn me at last, let him keep heaven to
himself; and I often thought thus with myself, They talk of their Puritan
powerful preaching, and of Mr Rogers of Dedham, and such others, but I would
gladly see the man that could trouble my conscience."
"When God now by a
true work of grace effectually converted me to himself the vanity of my former
religion was, by serious reflections on these passages mentioned, sufficiently
manifested. The deficiency of the root of all my devotions did also abundantly
add to the discovery. For God did vouchsafe me a new and fnrther light into the
bottom of my heart, to discern that self-love and self-flattery, acted by the
motives of the word so far as they will extend, were but the roots of all these
gaudy tulips which I counted grace: and I needed no other scripture than that
in the parable, together with my own heart, for the proof of it: Mark iv. 5, 6,
"Some fell upon stony ground, where it had not much earth; and immediately it
sprang up, because it had no depth of earth: but when the sun was up, it was
scorched; and because it had no root, it withered away." And with this one
blast, and thus easily, did the flower of all my former devotions wither and
come to nought, because they wanted moisture in the heart to nourish
them."
"By the prospect of all these heads of sinning which I lay under, I
was surrounded and shut up, and saw no way to escape: but together with the
sight of all this sinfulness, hell opened his mouth upon me, threatening to
devour and destroy me; and I began withal to consider the eternity of time that
I was to pass through under this estate, that it was for ever and ever. But
though I was subjugated and bound over to these apprehensions, yet God kept me
from the soreness of his wrath, and its piercing my soul through and through:
that though I had a solid and strong conviction of Gods wrath abiding on
me, as being in a state of unbelief yet my soul offered not the terrors of the
Almighty, though I lay bound as it were hand and foot, subacted under the
pressure of the guilt of wrath, or of being subject to the just judgment of the
Lord, as the word is to be translated, Rom. iii. 19. How long my soul lay
filled with these thoughts, I perfectly remember not; but it was not many hours
before God, who after we are regenerate is so faithful and mimidful of his
word, and his word of promnise, as to suffer us not to be tempted above what we
are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that we may
be able to bear it; and he loving us with the same love as we are his own dear
elect, does not often suffer a destroying apprehension to continue long upon
us, but out of the same faithfulness and pity to us finds a way to escape. I do
not speak now of temptations, but of the just conviction which many such souls
have, previous unto their believing. See what God says, Ezek. xvi., of the
whole body of his elect church, comparing their condition to that of a child
born dead, and covered over with blood, as it came out of the womb, the navel
not cut, neither washed in water, but in this plight cast out into the open
field, as a child that was dead, among the carcases. And therefore God, when he
was said to have compassion on him, said to him, Live, which implies that he
was dead. In this plight was my soul, dead in sins and trespasses from my
nativity, and from thence so continuing to that very day, together with that
heap of actual sins, that were the continual ebullitions of original sin. And
no eye pitied me or could help me, but as God there, in Ezek. xvi., on the
sudden, - for it is spoken as a speedy word, as well as a vehement earnest
word, for it is doubled twice, yea, I said unto you, Live,-so God
was pleased on the sudden, and as it were in an instant, to alter the whole of
his former dispensation towards me, and said of and to my soul, Yea, live; yea,
live, I say, said God : and as he created the world and the matter of all
things by a word, so he created and put a new life and spirit into my soul, and
so great an alteration was strange to me."
"The word of promise which he let
fall into my heart, and which was but as it were softly whispered to my soul;
and as when a man speaks afar off, he gives a still, yet a certain sound, or as
one hath expressed the preachings of the gospel by the apostles, that God
whispered the gospel out of Zion, but the sound thereof went forth over the
whole earth : so this speaking of God to my soul, although it was but a gentle
sound, yet it made a noise over my whole heart, and filled and possessed all
the faculties of my whole soul. God took me aside, and as it were privately
said unto me, Do you now turn to me, and I will pardon all your sins though
never so many, as I forgave and pardoned my servant Paul, and convert you unto
me, as I did Mr Price, who was the most famous convert and example of religion
in Cambridge. Of these two secret whispers and speeches of God to me, I about a
year after did expressly tell Mr Price, in declaring to him this my conversion,
while it was fresh with me, as he well remembered long; and I have since
repeated them to others I know not how often, for they have ever stuck in my
mind. And examples laid before us by God do give us hope, and are written and
proposed unto us: Rom. xv. 4, "For whatsoever things were Written to us
aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and
comfort of the Scriptures might have hope ;" and we use to allege examples, not
only to illustrate and explain rules, but to prove and confirm them. That God
pardoned such a man in such a condition, is often brought home unto another man
in the same condition, and impliedly contains a secret promise, that so he may
do to me, says the soul in the same condition. And I remember that I, preaching
at Ely two years after, urged to the people the example of Paul (which I was
before referred to) as an example to win others, in having in my eye and
thoughts the said experience of Gods dealing with me in the same kind;
and that the examples of such are to be held forth by God, as flags of mercy
before a company of rebels to win them in."
"Now as to this example of Paul,
it was full and pertinent for that purpose for which God held it out to me; I
then considered with myself the amplitude of my pardon, that it involved all
sorts of sins of the highest nature, in which Paul had so walked as he was even
upon the narrow brink of sinning against the Holy Ghost. And God suggested unto
me that he would pardon me all my sins, though never so great, for boldness,
hardness of heart, and heinousness of sinning, as he had pardoned Paul, whose
story of forgiveness I was referred unto; and also that he would change my
heart, as he had done Mr Prices, who was in all mens eyes the
greatest and most famous convert, known to the whole University of Cambridge,
and made the greatest and notedest example that ever was, of a strange
conversion to God, and who was the holiest man that ever I knew one or other,
and was then preacher at Kings Lynn, whither my parents had removed from
Rollesby, and then lived there."
"The confirmations which myself have had,
to judge that these instructions and suggestions were immediately from God,
were these : -
I. I considered the posture and condition of my
spirit, and that this suggestion took me when my heart was fixed, and that
unmoveably, in the contrary persuasions, not only that I was guilty of those
sins, and had continued in them to that time, but that I was in a damned
estate, without hope for remedy: and when God had set a guard upon me as the
prisoner of hell, then came in these contrary apprehensions and impressions as
it were in an instant; which impressions also were so deep and rooted in my
heart, that I remembered them ever since. And I did accordingly acquaint Mr
Price at Lynn, a year and a half after this, setting them on upon my heart, in
rehearsing to him the story of my conversion, which he exceedingly approved of.
2. It was a word in its proper season, like that which was spoken to
Abraham, the father of all the faithful, and which ran in a proverb among the
Jews: In the mount the Lord will be seen, or provide;
which they apply to the immediate remedy which God does use to afford out of
pity to a man in a strait or distress, and which none but himself can give
remedy to. It is a word fitted and proper to such an occasion, and peculiar to
the case of the person; a word that was quick and sudden, and interrupting all
contrary expectations and fears, as the manner of the speech was,
Abraham, Abraham, as a man that speaks in haste to prevent any
contrary fears. It is a word spoken in season, which Christ himself was taught
by God to speak to distressed souls, Isa. 1. 4.
3. This that was
suggested to me was not an ungrounded fancy, bnt the pure word of God, which is
the ground of faith and hope. It was the promise and performance of Gods
forgiving of Paul the most heinous sins that ever any convert committed who was
saved; for be was the chiefest of sinners, as himself confesses. And this
instance was directed unto me, as the most pertinent to my case that I could
elsewhere have found in the Book of God.
4. In considering the
consequents and effects that followed after Gods speaking to me, I was
hopefully persuaded it was from God, for the things were fulfilled which God
had spoken of. For, first, I felt my soul, and all the powers of it, as in an
instant, to be clean altered and changed in the dispositions of them; even as
our own divines of Great Britain do set out in their discourse of the manner of
conversion in the effect of it. Secondly, I found from the same time the works
of the devil to be dissolved in my heart in an eminent manner, my understanding
enlightened, my will melted and softened, and of a stone made flesh, disposed
to receive, and disposed to turn to God. And, thirdly, I found my spirit
clothed with a new nature, naturally inclining me to good; whereas before it
was inclined only to evil. I found not only good motions from the Spirit of
God, as be was pleased to incite me formerly, not only flushings and streamings
of affection, which soon vanish, or stirring my bodily spirits with joy, when I
applied myself to a holy duty, but I found a new indweller, or habitual
principle of opposition to, and hatred of sin indwelling, so as I concluded
with myself that this new workmanship wrought in me was of the same kind as to
matter of holiness with that image of God expressed, Eph. iv. 23, 24, but more
expressly affirmed, Col. iii. 10. It was this one disposition that at first
comforted me, that I saw and found two contrary principles, of spirit against
flesh, and flesh against spirit: and I found apparently the difference of the
opposition that only conscience makes against a lust, and that which the spirit
- that is, the new work of grace in a mans heart - makes against the
flesh. That the spirit not only contradicted and checked, but made a real
natural opposition, such as fire does to water; so that the spirit did as truly
lust against the work of the flesh, as the flesh against that of the spirit.
And this difference I found not by reading, or hearing any one speak of it,
but, as Austin did, I perceived it of myself, and wondered at it; for I may say
of this combat, that it is proper and peculiar to a man that is regenerate. It
is not in God or Christ, who are a fulness of holiness; not in devils, for they
are all sin; not in good angels, for they are entirely holy; not in wicked men,
for they have no grace in them, to fight with their corruptions after such a
manner. Fourthly, The consequent of this that fell out in my heart was an
actual turning from all known sins, and my entertaining the truth of all
godliness, and the principles of it, as far as I received it from the word of
God, and the best examples of godly men I lived withal. and in general, I took
this course through Gods direction and assistance, that I looked back
upon my sinful estate, and took a summary survey of my chiefest sins and lusts;
and I found them to be love of pleasure more than of God, corrupt ends,
especially of vain-glory and academic praise, which I sought with my whole
soul: and Gcd was pleased to direct me to take up, as the rule of my turning to
him, a sincere aim at his glory as the rule of all my inward thoughts, words,
actions, desires, and ends whatsoever. And in this it pleased God to direct and
assist me, to consider asunder all the sorts of actions I had gone through in
my life, and to take them asunder in particulars, every one in order, but
especially the principallest of them."
"And here, in the first place, I
considered what was the aim and drift of my studies, which I had spent my whole
time upon: and having been devoted by my parents for the work of the ministry,
I considered what it was did serve most to the glory of God in the work of the
ministry, and that overturned all the projects and designs of my heart
hitherto, which were the dearest of all to me; so dear, that I would certainly
rather not have lived, than have forsaken that interest. The University in
those times was addicted in their preaching to a vain-glorious eloquence,
wherein the wits did strive to exceed one another; and that which I most of all
affected, in my foolish fancy, was to have preached, for the matter thereof, in
the way that Dr Senhouse of St Johns, afterwards made bishop, did exceed
all men in. I instance in him, to explain the way and model that I set up,
because his sermons, five or six of them, are in print, and because it is the
eminentest farrago of all sorts of flowers of wit that are found in any of the
father; poets, histories, simiitudes, or whatever has the elegancy of wit in
it; and in the joining and disposing of these together, wit was the eminent
orderer in a promiscuous way. His way I took for my pattern, not that I hoped
to attain to the perfection, I coming far behind-hand of all the
accomplishments he abounded in. But I set him up in my thoughts to imitate as
much as I was able; and about such collections as these did I set my studies
until I should come to preach."
"But this way of his did soon receive a
fatal wound, Dr Preston opposing it, and preaching against it, as vain and
unedifying. His catechetical sermons in the chapel of that College it fell out
I heard whilst unregenerate; but they moved me not to alter my studies, nor
should all the world have persuaded me to have done it, nor all angels, nor
men; but my heart, upon this my turning to God and setting his glory as my
resolved end of all my actions and ways, did soon discover the unprofitableaess
of such a design; and I came to this resolved principle, that I would preach
wholly and altogether sound, wholesome words, without affectation of wit and
vanity of eloquence. And in the end, this project of wit and vain-glory was
wholly sunk in my heart, and I left all, and have continued in that purpose and
practice these threescore years; and I never was so much as tempted to put in
any of my own withered flowers that I had gathered, and valued more than
diamonds, nor have they offered themselves to my memory to the bringing them
into a sermon to this day, but I have preached what I thought was truly
edifying, either for conversion of souls, or bringing them up to eternal life;
so as I am free to profess that great maxim of Dr Preston, in his sermon of
humiliation, on the first of the Ephesians, "that of all other, my master-lust
was mortified."
"I observed of this work of God on my soul, that there was
nothing of constraint or force in it, but I was carried on with the most ready
and willing mind, and what I did was what I chose to do. With the greatest
freedom I parted with my sins, formerly as dear to me as the apple of my eye,
yea, as my life, and resolved never to return to them more. And what I did was
from deliberate choice; I considered what I was doing, and reckoned with myself
what it would cost me to make this great alteration. I considered the common
opinion the world had of those ways of purity and holiness, and walked
according to them. But though I considered what the common course and vogue of
the world was concerning the ways of one that would be a true convert and
sincere to God, yet they hindered me not at all. The weeds that entangled me in
those waters, I swam and broke through, with as much ease as Samson did his
withes; for I was made a vassal and a perfect captive to another binding, such
as Paul speaks of, when he says he went bound in the Spirit to Jerusalem; and I
said within myself, of all my old companions, What do you breaking my heart? I
am not ready to be bound only, but to give up my life, so as I may serve God
with joy in these ways. I parted with all my lust; not as Lots wife,
looking back on what I departed from; but with my whole soul and whole desires,
not to return more to the enjoyment of any lust, and casting down all those
childish imaginations of preferment, such as scholars do generally aim at and
promise to themselves, and to attain which they make their aim, and the card of
their life they sail by. All these fell, and like bubbles broke and vanished to
air; and those which I counted my strongest holds and imaginations,"and
everything that exalteth itself, was brought into captivity and obedience to
Christ," 2 Cor. x. 5. And I was brought in my own thoughts to be content with
the meanest condition all my days, so as I might fulfil the course of my life,
though never so mean, with uprightness and sincerity towards God."
"I took
my leave for my whole life of all ecclesiastical preferments; and though
afterwards I was President of Magdalene College, my great motive to it, from
the bottom of my heart, was the fair opportunity of doing good in my ministry
in the University, and that it might be in my power to bring in young men that
were godly, both Fellows and students, that should serve God in the ministry in
after-times. And after such as were godly did I inquire and seek, and valued
such when I foumid them as the greatest jewels. And when I failed of such, it
was a great affliction to me; but this was my heart and endeavour, as my own
soul and conscience bears me witness, though I did and might fall short of this
my own aim in some particular persons. And this principle I brought with me
from Catherine Hall in Cambridge, where I had my first station, and where I was
the instrument of the choice of that holy and reverend man, Dr Sibbs, to be
Master of that College, and of most of the Fellows of that College in those
times, as Dr Arrowsmith, and Mr Pen of Northamptonshire, to name no more. And I
was the more fixedly established in the practice of this, that after I had been
seven years from Cambridge, coming out of Holland, I had for some years after,
well-nigh every month, serious and hearty acknowledgment from several young
men, who had received the light of their conversion by my ministry while I was
in the University of Cambridge. And this was the great encouragement I had to
return again to a university, having enjoyed so frequent a testimony of the
fruit of my labours while I was preacher at Cambridge; and what the success has
been at Oxford, I leave to Christ till the latter day."
"But the most
eminent property of my conversion to God, I have been speaking of, was this,
that the glory of the great God was set up in my heart as the square and rule
of each and every particular practice, both of faith and godliness, that I
turned unto; and of all signs of sincerity, there is, nor can be, none clearer
than this, witness our Saviour Christs speech, John vii. 18, "He that
seeketh his glory that sent him, the same is true, and no unrighteousness is in
him." Christ speaketh it of himself, who is the truth itself, and speaketh of
himself out of his own experience of what he did who is the truth itself; and
the glory of God is God himself, who doth all things for himself: and therefore
he that acteth thus predominantly for God above all other ends, must
necessarily be judged truly righteous. Nor can any man extract that out of his
heart which is not in it. Now there is not the least spark of the glory of God
in the heart of man unregenerate, and therefore cannot be extracted out of it,
no, not the least spark. Take a flint, and strike it against steel or iron, and
you shall have sparks struck out; but if you take a piece of ice never so
great, and stri.ke it against a stone, or any other material, you shall not
have a spark, for there is none in it, nor any disposition towards it. I
remember that when I heard Dr Preston describing true spiritual change of
heart, (it was upon Rom. xii. 2, "Be ye transformed by the renewing of your
minds,") he spoke in this manner. "It is," said he, "when upon the change of a
mans utmost end, there is a change made upon the whole man, and all the
powers of his soul ;" which when I had duly considered, I judged I never had
anything more punctual, remembering this work of God upon myself at first. For,
as he then discoursed it, "if a man changes but unto one particular end, and
has but one particular and limited end, the effect is answerable, it is but
partial so far as that end serves to: as if a man that had a humour of
prodigality, and now thinks it concerns him to be sparing and covetous, this
change of his end being but particular, has but a narrowed effect, namely as to
sparing and care to keep his money, not to spend it lavishly; but godliness,
the height of which lies in a respect to God and his glory above all things
else, hath a general, yea, universal end, which extends its influence upon all
things."
"Hence my task, from this principle, proved to be to survey and go
over every particular kind of act, both what I must forbear, and for what end,
and with what heart, as also to observe each particular practice of godliness,
which I wretchedly had altogether for a long while lived in neglect of; and
hereabout I began with what I was to forbear and practise no longer, but alter
my course in; as, first of all, my sins I had lived in; and therein I fixed
upon this sunary of my whole life, that I had made lusts and pleasures my only
end, and done nothing with aims at the glory of God; and therefore I would
there begin my turning to him, and make the glory of God the measure of all for
the time to come.
This is the account which my dear father drew up
concerning the work of the Holy Ghost on his soul, in converting him to God. He
left it with a design, as himself said, to give from his own experience a
testimony of the difference between common grace, which by some is thought
sufficient, and that special saving grace, which indeed is alone sufficient,
and always invincibly and effectually prevails, as it did in him, and endured
through a long life, and course of various temptations and trials, unto the
end. In the first enlightenings and workings of conscience, he experienced how
far common grace might go, and yet fail at last, as it did in him, to an utter
withering and decay. In the other work on his soul, he felt an extraordinary
divine power changing it, and entirely subduing it to God; a work that was
lasting and victorious to eternity. I have often heard him say, that in reading
the acts of the Synod of Dort, and taking a review of the first workings of
common grace in him, he found them consonant with the Arminian opinions; but
comparing his own experiences of efficacious grace with the doctrines of the
orthodox Protestant divines, he found the one perfectly to agree with the
other. It was this inward sense of things, out of which a man will not suffer
himself to be disputed, that established him in the truths of the gospel, and
possessed him with a due tempered warmth and zeal to assert and vindicate them
with such arguments and reasons as the truth is never destitute of to resist
gainsayers.
It was many years before he came to have a clear knowledge of
the gospel, and a full view of Christ by faith, and to have joy and peace in
believing. A blessed age this is, said he in his latter years,
now the time of faith is come, and faith is principally insisted on unto
salvation. In my younger years, we heard little more of Christ than as merely
named in the ministry and printed books. I was diverted from Christ for several
years, to search only into the signs of grace in me. It was almost seven years
ere I was taken off to live by faith on Cbrist, and Gods free love, which
are alike the object of faith. His thoughts for so long a time were
chiefly intent on the conviction which God had wrought in him, of the
heinousness of sin, and of his own sinful and miserable state by nature; of the
difference between the workings of natural conscience, though enlightened, and
the motions of a holy soul, changed and acted by the Spirit, in an effectual
work of peculiar saving grace. And accordingly he kept a constant diary, of
which I have above a hundred sheets, wrote with his own hand, of observations
of the case and posture of his mind and heart toward God, and suitable, pious,
and pathetical meditations. His sermons being the result of these, had a great
deal of spiritual heat in them, and were blessed by God to the conviction and
conversion of many young scholars, who flocked to his ministry : as my reverend
brother, Mr Samuel Smith, minister of the gospel at Windsor, told me, that his
reverend father, then a young scholar in Cambridge, acknowledged mine to have
been blessed by God as an instrument of his conversion, among many others. As
it was that holy minister of Jesus Christ, Mr Price of Lynn, with whom my
father maintained a great intimacy of Christian friendship, and of whom he said
that he was the greatest man for experimental acquaintance with Christ that
ever he met with; and as he poured into his bosom his spiritual complaints, so
it was he whose conference by letters and discourse was blessed by God to lead
him into the spirit of the gospel, to live by faith in Christ, and to derive
from him life and strength for sanctification, and all comfort and joy through
believing.
As for trials of your own heart, wrote Mr Price to
him in one of his letters, they are good for you; remember only this,
that Christ in whom you believe hath overcome for you, and he will overcome in
you: the reason is in 1 John iv. 4. And I say trials are good for you, because
else you would not know your own heart, nor that need of continual seeking unto
God. But without those trials your spirit would soon grow secure, which of all
estates belonging to those that fear God is most dangerous and most
uncomfortable. Therefore count it exceeding cause of joy, not of sorrow, when
you are exercised with any temptations, because they are tokens of your being
in Christ; which being in him Satan would disquiet, and carnal reason would
call in question. Yet stand fast in the liberty of Christ, maintain the work of
Gods free love, which his good Spirit hath wrought in you. Say unto the
Lord: Lord, thou knowest I hate my former sinful course; it grieveth me I have
been so long such a stranger unto thee, my Father. Thou knowest now I desire to
believe in Jesus Christ, I desire to repent of my sins, and it is the desire of
my heart to do thy will in all things. Finding these things in your heart, cast
yourself upon the righteousness of Christ, and fear nothing; for God will be a
most merciful God in Christ unto you. Strive but a little while, and thou shalt
be crowned; even so, come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.
In another
of his letters he thus wrote to him All your complaints are good, and
will bring abundance of thankfulness in the end; for, mark it, in the
Scripture, where the saints of God have complained for want of Christ, or any
good thing from God in Christ, they have had ere long their hearts and tongues
filled with thanksgivings and praise, Rom. vii. 24, 25. It is the surest state
for our deceitful hearts to be kept in awe, and not to be as we would be, in
perfection of grace. God knows the time when it will be best to fill us with
his love, and to ravish us with his favour in Christ. In the meantime let us go
on in faith, looking every moment for that day of gladness wherein Christ shall
manifest a fuller sight of his blessed presence. I pray you fight it out
valiantly by faith in Christ against base unbelief and proud humility. I do
assure you, and dare say it, you may by faith in Christ challenge great matters
at Gods hands, and he will take it well at your hands : yea, the more you
can believe for yourself in Christ, the better it will be taken at the throne
of grace. Now the Lord give you of his Spirit to help you in all things. The
Lord keep your Spirit in Christ, full of faith and love to mortality.
In another letter he thus wrote : - Your last complaint made in your
letter of yourself is from spiritual insight of your unregenerate part. It is
wholesome, for it being loathed and abhorred, makes Christ in his righteousness
and sanctification more glorious in your eyes daily. If this were not, pride
and security would start up and undo you. Besides, I find you have great
assistance from God in Christ. He ministers much light to you both of knowledge
and comfort; and therefore you had need of some startling evils, to make you
depend upon Gods grace for the timne to come, lest you should rest in
that which is past. Let the Lord do what be will with our spirits, so he drive
us from the liking ourselves in any sin, and make us long after Christ, to be
found in him, and in lns righteousness.
In another he wrote thus : -
Your letter is welcome to me, and your state also matter of rejoicing
unto me, however it may seem unto you for the present. Know you not that the
Lord is come to dwell in your heart, and now is purging you and refining you;
that you may be a purer, and also a fitter temple for his Spirit to dwell in?
All these things concerning the right framing of your spirit will not be done
at once, but by little and little, as it shall please our gracious God in
Christ to work for his own glory. Yet this you may have remaining ever unto
you, as an evidence of Gods everlasting love, that the marks of true
chosen ones are imprinted upon you, and truly wrought within you: for your eyes
are opened to see yourself utterly lost; your heart is touched with a sense and
feeling of your need of Christ. which is poverty of spirit; you hunger and
thirst after Christ and his righteousness above all things; and it is the
practice of your inward man to groan and sigh, to ask and seek for
reconciliation with God in Christ. These things you have to comfort you against
sin and Satan, and all the doubts of your own heart. Therefore when you fear
that all is but hypocrisy, to fear is good and wholesome, but to think so is
from the flesh, carnal reason, Satan, darkness, because it is against that
truth which hath taken place in your heart, merely of Gods free favour
towards you in Jesus Christ. As for slips and falls, so long as your purpose is
in all things to do the will of God, and to judge yourself for them, so soon as
you find yourself faulty, fear nothing; for these will stick by you to humble
you, and to make you loathe yourself the more, and to long after the holiness
of your blessed Saviour, which is imputed unto you for your holiness in the
sight of God.
It was thus this gracious minister of Christ, Mr Price,
poured the balm of the gospel into his wounded soul, and God blessed it to heal
and comfort it. These truly evangelical instructions turned his thoughts to
Christ, to find that relief in him which he had in vain sought from all other
considerations. I am come to this pass now, wrote my father in a
letter to him, that signs will do me no good alone; I have trusted too
much to habitual grace for assurance of justification; I tell you Christ is
worth all Thus coming unto Christ, his weary soul found rest, when in all
its unquiet motions it could not find it anywhere else.
But the account of
this work of faith I shall give, as I have done the other, in his own words :-
It fell out, that soon after my being humbled for sin, the doctrine of
justification through Christ by faith came into my thoughts. But my spirit was
turned off from it by this prejudice, that it had been the common deceit
ordinarily of carnal men, when they continued in their sins, and so I might be
deceived in that way and course; and I remembered that I had been also deceived
in believing on Christ crucified with joy and ravishment in my carnal state;
and that remembrance was from time to time a hindrance to me from going to
Christ; and I was pitched on this great principle, that if I found I were
sanctified, as I plainly did, I then was certainly justified. But I did not
think my sanctification to be my justification, but an evidence of it only; and
thus my spirit was set upon examining the inherent work in me wrought by the
Spirit; and I pursued after mortification of lusts, and of holiness within, and
then I thought I should have the comfort of justification, or of being
justified. And thus I was kept from going to Christ actually; though I dealt
with God and his mercy in Christ, as having done all that was on his part to be
done, in redeeming and reconciling us, and so I dealt immediately with God, and
his pure mercy and free grace. But as it fell strongly into my thoughts, that
there was a necessity of Christs righteousness to justify me, as well as
of his grace which had sanctified me; and the course God took to convince me of
it, and to set me a-work about it, was this. He used the very conviction which
I had of original sin from Adam, in the two branches of it; the guilt of
Adams actual transgression imputed to me, and the corruption of my nature
thence derived. I had had a mighty and large conviction, and deep sense of
these, and that all lusts were sins; and this mightily helped me clearly to
take in the absolute necessity of justification by Christs righteousness,
and to discern the perfect difference of it from sanctification, and the
necessity of it, and I gloried in it. I began to reflect that Jesus Christ was
the head for salvation, as Adam had been for sin and condemnation : and that
therefore as there were two branches of sin and condemnation derived to me from
Adam, - the one an imputation of his fact to me, the other a violent and
universal corruption of nature inherent in me, - just so it must be iu
Christs salvation of me; and hence I must have an imputation of his
righteousness for justification, as well as a holy nature derived from him for
sanctification; which righteousness of Christ for justification was perfect,
though my sanctification was imperfect. The notion of this did mightily and
experimentally enlighten me.
He now altered his way of preaching,
which before had been for the most part, if not wholly, for conviction and
terror. But now his experience of the refreshing comforts which the knowledge
of Christ, and free justification by his righteousness alone, afforded him,
made him zealous to preach the gospel for the consolation of consciences
afflicted as his had been. And this was according to the directions given him
by that great man, and lively preacher of the gospel, the reverend Dr Sibbs,
who by my fathers interest among the Fellows had been chosen Master of
Catherine Hall, and who familiarly said to him one day, Young man, if you
ever would do good, you must preach the gospel and the free grace of God in
Christ Jesus.
As he called his sermons of the Glory of the Gospel,
printed in this fifth volume of his works, his Primitiae Evangelicae, or
his evangelical first-fruits, so the only copy of them was preserved by a
remarkable providence. The portmanteau in which they were was by a thief cut
off from my fathers horse in the dark of the evening, just against St
Andrews Churchyard in Holborn. The clerk or sexton coming on the
Lords-day morning to ring the bell, found a bundle of papers tied up with
a string, lying at the foot of a great tree. In it there were some
acquittances, which Mr Leonard Green, a bookseller of Cambridge, who had
accompanied my father to London, had from some of his customers. It was by
these only the clerk could know to whom the bundle did belong, and so he
brought it to Mr Green, which he was the more careful to do because he was his
particular friend.
He was chosen in 1628 to preach the lecture to the town
of Cambridge at Trinity Church. Dr Buckridge, Bishop of Ely, at first made some
difficulty of admitting him to it, unless he would solemnly promise, in
pursuance of the Kings proclamation, not to preach about any controverted
points in divinity. My father alleged that the most essential articles of the
Christian faith being controverted by one or other, such a promise would scarce
leave him any subject to preach on: that it was not his Majestys
intention to inhibit him or any other from preaching against the gross errors
of Popery. After some opposition, he was admitted lecturer, and so continued
till 1634, when being in his conscience dissatisfied with the terms of
conformity, he left the University and his preferments. As he acted herein with
all sincerity, following the light which God had given him, and the persuasions
of his own mind and conscience, in which no worldly motives had any part, - for
if he had hearkened to them, they would have swayed him to a contrary course, -
so I have heard him express himself with great joy of faith, and thankfulness
and praise of the faithful love of Jesus Christ to him, in performance of that
promise, Luke xviii. 29, 30, And he said unto them, Verily I say unto
you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or
children, for the kingdom of Gods sake, who shall not receive manifold
more in this present time, and in the world to come life everlasting.
I freely renounced, said he, for Christ, when God converted
me, all those designs of pride, and vain-glory, and advancement of myself, upon
which my heart was so strongly set that no persuasions of men, uor any worldly
considerations, could have diverted me from the pursuit of them. No, it was the
power of God alone that prevailed to make me do it. It was he alone made me
willing to live in the meanest and most afflicted condition, so that I might
serve him in all godly sincerity. I cheerfully parted with all for Christ, and
he hath made me abundant compensation, not only in the comforts and joys of his
love, which are beyond comparison above all other things, but even in this
world. What love and esteem I have had among good men, he gave me. He alone
made my ministry in the gospel acceptable, and blessed it with success, to the
conversion and spiritual good and comfort of many souls.
A.D. 1638,
he married Mrs Elizabeth Prescott, the daughter of Alderman Prescott: of the
other two, one was married to Sir William Leman of Northaw, the other to Sir
Nicholas Crisp of Hammerimith. He was very happy in a woman of such a sweet
temper, lively wit, and sincere piety, as endeared her to all that knew her.
And he was happy in an only daughter he had by her, Elizabeth, who was married
to Mr John Mason, a citizen of London. In natural endowments of mind, and,
which is far more to be valued, in grace and piety, she was a lively image of
her parents. She lost her mother when she was about ten years of age, and died
two years before her fathers death.
The persecution growing hot in
England, my father resolved to remove into some foreign country, where he might
exercise his ministry in the gospel, and enjoy the ordinances of Christ
according to his conscience, which he could not do in his own native land. He
went over into Holland in 1039, settled at last at Arnheim, and was pastor of
the English church in that city. During his abode there, some differences
arising in the English church at Rotterdam, my father and the elders of the
church at Arnheim went thither, and God was pleased to bless their brotherly
advice and counsel to compose the differences, and to re-establish the
disturbed peace of that church. After some years continuance in Arnheim,
he returned into England, was pastor of a church in London, and by an ordinance
of Parliament, June 12, 1643, appointed to be a member of the venerable
Assembly of Divines at Westminster. The debates about church government and
discipline which arose in that synod are not so proper to be inserted in the
life of a particular person. I shall only take notice that he took a brief
account of every days transactions, of which I have fourteen or fifteen
volumes in 8vo, wrote with his own hand. And his way of arguing was with such
modesty and Christian meekness, that it procured the esteem of those who
differed from him and the other dissenting brethren in their judgment.
In
the year 1647, he had invitations from the Reverend Mr John Cotton, in whom
grace and learning were so happily conjoined, and other worthy ministers in New
England, to come over thither, which he was so much inclined to do as he had
put a great part of his library on shipboard. But the persuasions of some
friends, to whose counsel and advice he paid a great deference, made him to
alter his resolution. In the year 1649, he married Mrs Mary Hammond, descended
from the ancient family of the Hammonds in Shropshire, whose ancestor was an
officer in the army of William, Duke of Normandy, when he invaded England, A.D.
1066. Though she was but in the seventeenth year of her age, she had the
gravity and prudence of a matron. Her conjugal affection, her tender care, her
wise administration of the affairs of her family, the goodness of her
disposition, and, more than all this, her grace and piety, have left an
honourable remembrance of her among all that knew her. He had by her two sons,
the eldest of whom is yet living; the other, whose name was Richard, died in a
voyage to the East Indies, whither he was sent a year after his fathers
death by the East India Company, as one of their factors. She also bore to him
two daughters, who died in their infancy.
In the same year 1649, he was
admitted President of Magdalene College in Oxford, where he made it his
business to promote piety and learning. His candour, ingenuous nature, his
catholic charity for all good men though of different persuasions, won the
hearts of those who had been most averse to him. In conferring any places of
preferment at his disposal, he was not biased by affection to a party, but
bestowed them where he saw goodness and merit. Those who continued Fellows of
the College many years after he left it, Mr Brown, Mr Byfield, and Dr Fairfax,
retained an affection and esteem for him, and always spoke of him with an
honourable mention. He was not only president of a college, but pastor of a
church, which consisted of persons of piety and learning: Mr Thankful Owen,
President of St Johns; Mr Francis Howell, Master of Jesus College; Mr
Theophilus Gale, Mr Stephen Charnock, Mr Blower, Mr Barron, Mr Terry, Mr
Lowman, and many others.
Upon the Revolution in 1660, he resigned his place
of President to Dr Oliver, and removed to London, where he was pastor of the
same church which he had gathered in Oxford, a great part of the members of it
following him to that city. In the faithful discharge of this office, and
labour in the Lord Jesus Christ, he continued till his death.
It was now he
lived a retired life, spent in prayer, reading, and meditation, between which
he divided his time. He read much, and the authors which he most valued and
studied were Augustine, Calvin, Musculus, Zanchius, Parmeus, Waleus, Gomarus,
Altingius, and Amesius; among the school-men, Suarez and Estius. But the
Scriptures were what he most studied; and as he had furnished his library with
a very good collection of commentators, he made good use of them. And as the
Scriptures are an inexhaustible treasure of divine knowledge, so by an eager
search into them, and comparing one with another, he discovered those truths
which are not to be found in other authors. The love and free grace of God, the
excellencies and glories of our Lord Jesus Christ, were the truths in which his
mind soared with greatest delight. And it was not merely a speculative
pleasure, but these truths were the life and food of his soul; and as his heart
was affected with them, he wrote them with a spiritual warmth that is better
felt than expressed. Though he read much, yet he spent more time in thinking;
and it was by intense thought that he made himself master of the subject of his
discourse.
In that deplorable calamity of the dreadful fire at London,
1666, which laid in ashes a considerable part of that city, he lost above half
his library, to the value of five hundred pounds. There was this remarkable,
that that part of it which was lodged very near the place where the fire began,
and which he accounted irrecoverably lost, was by the good providence of God,
and the care and diligence of his very good and faithful friend, Mr Moses
Lowman, though with extreme hazard, preserved from the flames. But the other
part, which he thought might have been timely secured, being lodged at as great
a distance as Bread Street, was, by the negligence of the person whom he sent
on purpose to take care of them, all burned. I heard him say that God had
struck him in a very sensible place; but that as he had loved his library too
well, so God had rebuked him by this affliction. He blessed God he had so
ordered it in his providence that the loss fell upon those books which were of
human learning; and that he had preserved those of divinity, which were chiefly
of use to him.
As the exercise of faith, and of patience, which is the
fruit of it, gave him relief, so on this occasion he meditated and wrote a
discourse of Patience and its Perfect Work, printed soon after.
In February 1679, a fever seized him, which in a few days put an end to his
life. In all the violence of it, he discoursed with that strength of faith and
assurance of Christs love, with that holy admiration of free grace, with
that joy in believing, and such thanksgivings and praises, as he extremely
moved and affected all that heard him. That excellent man, Mr Collins, - who
was then pastor of the same church that he had formerly been pastor of, and
with its consent, though unwilling at first to part with him, he removed to
Oxford, 1649, and which is now under the pastoral care of his worthy son and of
Mr Bragg, - praying earnestly for him, offered up this petition, That God
would return into his bosom all those comforts which he had by his ministry of
free grace poured into so many distressed souls. My dear father felt this
prayer answered in the abundant comforts and joys with which he was filled. He
rejoiced in the thoughts that he was dying, and going to have a full and
uninterrupted conunion with God. I am going, said he, to the
three Persons, with whom I have had communion: they have taken me; I did not
take them. I shall be changed in the twinkling of an eye; all my lusts and
corruptions I shall be rid of which I could not be here; those croaking toads
will fall off in a moment.
And mentioning those great examples of
faith, Heb. xi., All these, said he, died in faith. I could
not have imagined I should ever have had such a measure of faith in this hour;
no, I could never have imagined it. My bow abides in strength. Is Christ
divided? No, I have the whole of his righteousness; I am found in him, not in
my own righteousness, which is of the law, but in the righteousness which is of
God, which is by faith of Jesus Christ, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
Christ cannot love me better than he doth; I think I cannot love Christ better
than I do; I am swallowed up in God. Directing his speech to his two
sons, he exhorted them to value the privilege of the covenant. It hath
taken hold on me, said he; my mother was a holy woman; she spake
nothing diminishing of it. It is a privilege cannot be valued enough, nor
purchased with a great sum of money, alluding to the words of the chief
captain to Paul, Acts xxii. 28. Then he exhorted them to be careful that they
did nothing to provoke God to reject them. Now, said he, I
shall be ever with the Lord. With this assurance of faith and fulness of
joy, his soul left this world, and went to see and enjoy the reality of that
blessed state of glory, which in a discourse on that subject he had so well
demonstrated. He died February 1679, and in the eightieth year of his age.
THE END
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